a series of unfortunate events

While on the phone with hubby listening to why he will be late tonight, here's what happened:

• I had to tell #1 and #2 for the millionth time to stop playing and get busy on their homework
• #4 descended the stairs after having been up there alone for 20 minutes or so with the toilet brush in one hand and a wad of something unknown in his mouth.
• Oh great, it's a wad of toilet paper! (and to think I figured he was just up there creating a nuclear diaper)

At this point, I hang up the phone and #1 and #2 run upstairs to assess the damage. Number 1 does it because she is wanting to minimize the number of decibles with which I will scream at finding an enormous mess. Number 2's reason for going up there is to be witness to a delightful mess created in the toilet and surrounding areas. And to wallow in the hilarity of the moment, wishing it had've been him who had all that fun and mirth. He is banking on it being something to tell his friends on the playground.

• #2 descends the stairs in a hurry and takes back up with him a garbage bag.
• I slowly go up to find #1 has done all that she can do by standing at such a great length away from the toilet, which is sitting in a lake of toilet water.
• I "take over" which involves a lot of antibacterial spray and paper towels and being on my hands and knees for about 20 minutes (in which #4 is downstairs making a new mess and #1's and 2 are again avoiding homework) From upstairs I yell "dadgummit, stop playing and do your homework!"
• I make my way backward down the stairs so that I can more easily clean up the wet toilet paper which is littering the floor (think Hansel and Gretel leaving a trail so that they could find their way back).
• Then, in a rush to get dinner (spaghetti) ready so that#1 can eat before dance lessons, I shake the parmesian cheese to break up the clump inside. I discover that the last person to use it left the top open (need I say more?).
• This is about the time I hear #5 crying because #4 is being way too loud.

I'm thinking Lemony Snicket must be in a dark corner taking notes or something.