Thursday, September 30, 2010

guilt-free friendships: more precious than diamonds

The best kinds of friends are the kinds you can go 15 years without talking to, but then the next time you get to talk to each other, you can just pick up where you left off... like that big chunk of time was a mere passing moment.

Monday, September 27, 2010

gum smakin' goodness

I am an obnoxious gum-chewer. Always have been. And this stick I am chewing today is a particularly good piece as I can make it snap like ten times in a row. I'm snappin' it like I got a regular corner to work.

Good thing I'm alone.

your total today is one fifty five forty nine

On Friday I went birthday shopping at Belk, a department store I had not been in since probably 1984. They were having a huge blowout sale and everything was marked down.
I got #2 a navy blazer.... which he needed.........and a tie.... oh, and several things for myself.

And, because if I opened up an account, I saved another 15% on top of the 20% they took off for using the card for my day's purchase, which was on top of the 40-50% discount of the blowout sale items...... I was on top of the world. A Really. Smart. Shopper.

So, as I joyfully walked back into the house, gobs of seratonin coursing through my veins, I announced to King, "Hey, check it out, I SAVED two hundred and fifty dollars!!!"

He gaffawed.

I guess he just doesn't understand logic. Poor guy. You get it, though, right?

she might need the prayer, she might need the prayer, she might need the prayer

Dear lady trying-to-be-sneaky who jumped in front of a line of about six people who had been patiently waiting their turn at the register this morning at Joann Fabrics,

I am really trying hard to not be mad at you despite the fact that it was extremely rude. I am overriding my instinct to hope you step in a muddy rain puddle all the way up to your knees so that your pants stay wet the rest of the day and instead am lifting you in prayer that you don't get cancer. I hope you can use my prayers because you are getting them whether you deserve them or not.

Besides, despite what you may be accustomed to think, that this isn't about you. It's about me.
Peace be with you,
:o) mg

ps- Next time, all you have to do is ask.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

silly silly king

King is exactly two weeks older than I am. So, for those fourteen days, I always tease him about being SO MUCH OLDER than I am.

Cradle robber!

On Thursday night, the eve of my 43rd, I walk into the kitchen to find these flowers with a note:

"Happy last day to be 42!Don't worry, you are aging well!I love you."

Friday, September 24, 2010

best birfday

This has been one of my best birthdays in.... now.... 43 years.

The fact that God has blessed me with such wonderful friends. And a husband who puts me on a pedestal, despite the fact that I am afraid of heights. It is all very humbling. And beautiful.

Not only that, but that li'l buggah pulled off a surprise birthday dinner and invited friends who never uttered a peep about the plans. With roses. That smelled like roses are supposed to smell! And a card. With a certificate for a pedicure, even!

"Thank you" doesn't even begin to come close, but it's a start. Thank you!!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

add another chuckle to the fire

"Him": Hey, Mommy, when I finish my homework can I play for 20 minutes on the computer?

Me: mm... well, I'll think about it.

"Him": Wellya better hurry up and think about it, 'cuz I'm almost done!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

I am just sure that Heaven is a place where friends can visit for as long as we want, without interruption, and cappuccinos are endless.

Monday, September 20, 2010

file under: wasted time

Dear Mr. Gibson,

Just watched Apocalypto.
I'm pissed. Whaddaya have a thing for men in loincloths?
I don't care how beautiful the cinematography was,
I want my two hours back!!

Friday, September 17, 2010

why humor that has a thread of truth is so funny

My friend, Sue, sent me a bunch of very funny cartoons. These two particularly "spoke" to me.

hypothetical situation: the power of positive thinking vs the power of prayer

Two men.
Both battling an illness.
Both married with children.
Loving families.
Lots of friends.
One is solely and entirely surrounded by prayer.
The other solely and entirely surrounded by "positive thoughts".
Which one would you rather be?
I'd rather be the one covered in prayer. These days, I see it written and hear about more and more people who are "sending happy thoughts your way". What the hell is that??!?!!!? It's like going into a closet and farting. Honestly. It goes no where. Logically, these "positive thoughts" just remain in their heads. That's all they can do. They are thoughts.
Prayers, on the other hand, have an address. They are directed Heavenward. Actually leaving the originator and going to the listening ear of the Lord - who has the power to answer prayer.
Mere "happy thoughts" are powerless. The "sender" is under the illusion that they, themselves are the owner-of-the-power and can actually heal someone with all the positive energy that radiates from them. Egocentric at best.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010


You have probably seen people who look JUST like their pets.

Well, I don't have a dog. But......

Can carry a heavy load.
Can't always tell how dirty I am by looking at me.

this has no similarity whatsoever to anything going on in my life but it is funny nonetheless

Dear Tide,

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have. I've used it all my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse.
My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse!
I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.
What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.
Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty bag people.


photo credit

I'm not thinking Arby's, I'm thinking grrrrr.
oh, great, NOW I'm thinking Arby's too.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

the hormones are coming! the hormones are coming!

photo credit

Listen my children and you shall hear

early morning rants of Mommy dear

like clockwork each month it's due to arrive

Lucky the man who gets out alive

Just remember "the bloat" is the source of her sneer.

Monday, September 13, 2010

danger on the cliffs

photo credit

Reports are that there was a sock slide at Mt. Washmore.

above photo credits

There may have been minor injuries.

Only approach Mt. Washmore for emergency reasons only. Please use extreme caution when working around the area.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

just sayin'

Lounging in bed
and waking up with a stiff one
has completely different meaning at 43
than it does at 25.

photo credit

Saturday, September 11, 2010

we're surrounded

Remember the movie ET?
More specifically, do you remember hearing ET's voice when he was close to death and he called out to Elliot?
Well, imagine if you substituted the word "idiot" and said it that same way.
Welcome to my planet.


We came together strongly as Americans the days and months afterwards... no racial or socioeconomic boundaries... just people proud to be American. Though we have slipped back into our old roles a bit, it is good to know it is there... lying dormant... underneath all our "issues".


Friday, September 10, 2010

Dear 75 degrees,
I love you. I really do. But I must tell you that I do not love the company you have been keeping recently. That "wet dishcloth" friend of yours, what's her name? Humidity? Yeah, her. You need to dump that chick, she is a drag on our friendship!!
Until you come to your senses, I am going to keep my distance. When you realize she is no good for your popularity, and you finally get away from her, I will go out with you again.
:o) mg

Thursday, September 9, 2010


I am hosting my very first giveaway over on the sewing blog!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

are things as busy there are they are here?

I love this little picture of a girl who is knee deep in alligators, but still trying to drain the swamp.
Reminds me of something a friend of mine (who as it turns out used to work with my dad 35 or so years ago in NC - so she is practically long lost family!) says:
"Your mouth writes checks that your ass can't cash."
But, as Number One said to me recently: Keep your eyes on the prize, Mom.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

besides, none of us get out alive

Committing suicide.
One Blizzard at a time.

now we are five

Guess who's five?

The unprepared redneck parents are so clever when they realize that there are no more birthday candles in the house.

"Come on honey, make a wish and blow out the lighter!"

"I want that piece right there!"

"I'm still three," she said as she waited patiently for her slice of cake.

Brain freeze from the DQ ice cream cake!!