the new new phone book

The new phone book has arrived. Each year it is delivered the same way. Plop! There it is right smack dab in the middle of the driveway. This morning as we were eating breakfast it was sitting on the dining room table. Like an obnoxious brat, it offended me.

King and I reminisced, "remember when phone books actually had a nice picture on the front?" Maybe it was a picture of the coast or the mountains. Maybe it was a close up detail of a flower or some kids playing in a sprinkler, but the picture took up the whole front cover. There was The Real Phone Book title at the top and then the city, towns, and surrounding communities listed across the bottom. And that was all.

Our phone book does have a small picture that takes up about 1/4 of the space. The rest is filled with advertisements from ambulance-chasing lawyers who also specialize in DIVORCE CASES, written in all caps in case you have a hard time reading the word ATTORNEY. Well, thankfully I don't have the need for a DIVORCE LAWYER, or an ACCIDENT OR INJURY SPECIALIST.

Well, as insane as it is (though you must admit, a beautifully obsessive-compulsive act) within 20 minutes of the breakfast dishes being cleared, I had that sucker completely covered with Con-Tact paper. No more offensive ads which silently grate my sense of sight, or scrape the lining of my inner calm.