I re-joined Curves this morning. Frankly, it is a little skeery.
The first time I joined was in 2002. It took me 2 years, but I worked off 80 lbs.! I remember that I didn't care how long it took me to get the weight off. My goal was to be healthy inside.
It is still my goal.
The skeery part comes in when I start thinking about how long 2 years is. Can I do it again? Two pregnancies happened after those 80 lbs. were lost. Then, like recurring bad dreams, nearly each one of those stupid pounds found their way back. It's no bad dream. It is reality. I am overweight and out of shape. Again.
The whole thing put me into a funk this morning. Sure, I had a great work out after I got signed back up, got weighed, measured, and even got my little key tag. But when I got home my mood plummeted. The "what ifs" happened.
What if I don't lose weight?
What if I fail?
What if my family, who are so supportive on a Saturday morning, can't be supportive on the weekday mornings?
What if I fail? What if I fail? What if I fail?
In an effort to think rationally I tell myself, "If I never start back on an exercise routine, then I will fail. So anything more than nothing is something, right?"
*sigh* I wish I would listen to reason. But, my fear of failure is enormous. My body is incredibly resistant to letting go of this weight. This is going to have to be one of those close-your-eyes-and-do-it-anyway kinds of things. Each and every day. The one thing that gives me a small ray of light and hope is that my children will see me attempting to regain health and wellness. More than anything, I don't want them to see me as a failure.
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5 comments:
YAY!!!!!!! i am soooo proud of you!! you served as an inspiration of weight loss before & you will again be my "smaller" sister!!! also, don't forget--you're not JUST doing this to lose the weight. even if you never shed a pound, your health will be better. your heart especially will thank you, as will your children when you don't drop dead at a young age.
i love you & i know that we can BOTH do this together!!!!!!
ps
i just got this in a sparkpeople email:
they even have your fave quote in there!
"Fall seven times, get up eight." - Japanese Proverb
"Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish." - John Quincy Adams
"The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials." - Chinese Proverb
"Never give in. Never. Never. Never. Never." - Winston Churchill
"Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance." - Samuel Johnson
keep on truckin', girl!!! love you!
Oh, I can totally relate... as you've well seen already on my blog.
Friday, I found myself saying, "I'll just always be fat."
I was tired. The kids were crazy, and I hadn't worked out since Monday.
Did I mention I also home school? So, going to the Y with all five kids in tow is not easy. I may just go when the hubby gets home each evening. Then I'll sleep really well.
Praying it will be easier and faster for you this go 'round.
Thank you to each of you for your encouraging words and prayers.
Liz, it is sorta funny, #4 has been going around the house lately saying, "kye kye gen" as in "if at first you don't succeed, kye kye gen".
hey, mg!
I'm in sunny florida, taking a break and checking our e-mail, and I thought I'd check in with you. As your friend, I want to offer you the encouragement that you CAN do this . . . and anytime you want to meet somewhere and do some brisk walking/jogging (with strollers!) I'll be happy to join you.
P.S. Mickey Mouse sends his greetings to your entire crew!
God bless.
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