forty days vol. 4

The cold, wet rag of reality: I have an eating addiction.
Just like an alcoholic I cannot imagine a day full of child care, housework, laundry, etc etc etc without the pleasure of eating.
I shocked myself this morning, Good Friday, with just how severe it is. Today is a day of fast and abstinence. Not eating meat is do-able. As long as I have the presence of mind to remember to avoid meat, there's no problem. The fasting part of it, though, is like a big scary monster.
For some reason I was thinking that today is two small meals - period. No snacking, no regular meal. (duh)
I was so frightened that I would not be able to get through one day of fasting that I actually took an appetite suppressing drug. I initially rationalized that it was just a little help to make today a success. Down went the pill. As it must have started dissolving in my stomach, it not only released its appetite suppressor, but also released so much guilt.
Why can't I ask for help from Christ?
Why do I doubt that I cannot control "the flesh" for one day?
This is ridiculous. I am weak. I am a miserable human being. My brain kept rattling off many internal insults to my soul. I feel like worm poop.
The small ray of light at the end of the tunnel is on the horizon - the risen Christ. Once again, I am shown and made painfully aware of the fact that I am in such need of redemption.
As the saying goes from Alcoholics Anonymous, "one day at a time". In the meantime, I offer praise and thanksgiving for a God who would love me so much as to redeem my steeped-in-humanity self and keep my eyes lifted to Heaven to focus on Our Lord's suffering rather than my own.