forty days vol. 1

Ash Wednesday: the ashes feel so cool and soothing when they are put upon my forehead. Amazing how many times I brush my hand across that area of my face in a day. I become acutely aware of just how many times.
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Every person on the face of the planet struggles with at LEAST one of the seven deadlies. In big ways or small ways, we are doomed to wrestle with anger, lust, greed, pride, gluttony, sloth, and/or envy. They are insidious.
Injurious language, cursing, wrath, failing to forgive - anger. check.
Eating to excess and proving to be an ill example to others - gluttony. check.
Confiding in my own strength thereby showing ingratitude to God - pride. check
Neglectful of prayer time - sloth. check
Having trouble with the success of a friend (Gee whiz she has a great figure, why can't I have a figure like that?) - envy. check
The odd thing is that just when you think you have won the battle with one of them, another war will erupt in another area.
***
We all have crosses to bear. Mine is my weight. For many reasons (both known and unknown) I am overweight. But in peeking into the lives of my friends, I'd rather have this cross to bear than anyone else's.
It has a well worn mark on my shoulder. I know the feel of this cross. I know its bumps and lumps and splinters. I know the rough spots and the smooth ones.
My cross is not cancer. It is not alcoholism. It is not the loss of a husband or a child. It is not such poverty that I don't know if my children will be able to eat today.
When I look at the crosses that others have to bear, I embrace mine. I thank God for giving it to me and helping me carry it. I pray for the grace to overcome it and to use it to witness to others. I thank him for sparing me from any of the other crosses that there are to bear.
***
Giving up the internet was a good thing to give up for Lent. I am amazed at just how many times I have wanted to Google something - a good recipe for spaghetti squash, a recipe for low carb chocolate cheesecake, information on horseshoe crabs because we saw one wash up on the beach last weekend, a telephone number, snopes, etc.


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~Kid stuff~
At the end of my rope with number 4 I have to get him in a room with no distractions and eyeball to eyeball explain to him that he cannot just enter a room and demand at full volume that he wants apple juice. We practice saying it politely "May I have apple juice please". After a couple of times, we are both much calmer and he looks up and says "Mommy you t'oud of me?"
"Yes, honey I am very proud of you," I reassure him.
"T'ank you Mommy," he says through a beautiful smile.
Its uncanny the way he knows just how to worm his way back into that special spot in my heart.