what's missing here?

King and I have just had a long talk... he is upset that we are constantly having to nag our children anytime we need them to do a chore. We have quit paying them to do chores, because that wasn't working. When you do ask them to do anything even slightly more than their "baseline" chores, they do any combination of grunting, groaning, rolling their eyes, slumping their shoulders, or sighing. So much so that he is to the point of not wanting to ask them to do anything at all.

And now, he feels sorry for #2. "I think he is bored. He never wants to do anything except throw a ball into the air over and over again, or sit in front of a book, the TV, or the computer."

I, on the other hand, do not feel sorry for #2 (nor any of the rest of them), because I am not his social director. He has various activities throughout the year that we get him involved in that I think he, and the other children can be referred to as very fortunate (dare I say spoiled?).
To help prove my point, I added the following:

• These kids are being raised with a strong, devout, faith-based belief system.
• These children have two parents who are married and who love each other. They see these parents work out any disagreements in a respectful way. We do not smoke. We are not drunks.
• These children have a nice home in which to live.
• These children have clothes to wear.
• These children know that they will have breakfast, lunch, and dinner not to mention snacks in between. They never have to hear their tummy gurgling or feel pain because of hunger. They even get to eat out a fair amount.
• These children are privileged enough to be able to attend a private school in which they are not only allowed to pray, but the faculty prays with them. They do not have to go to school fearing for their lives. Their teachers are not glorified babysitters. They do not have to ride Satan's minivan: the school bus.
• These children are involved in dance, music, sports, and social activities all outside of school.

There is not a "need" that is unmet. There are very few "wants" that they go without.

Then we discussed how he and I were at this age. Did we roll eyes, slump shoulders, sigh, etc. when we were asked to help? I specifically remember many times I would say to my sister, "Let's surprise mom and dad and clean the house." I remember vacuuming, dusting, changing sheets, and cleaning bathrooms. In fact, I remember that my dad's shower was a tiled walk-in shower. He was a smoker and when he would get out of the steamy shower, there would be nicotine "nipples" hanging from the ceiling in the shower. Gross, but true. (And if you ever lived with a smoker, you know what I am talking about.) I would have to get into the shower and scrub the walls, ceilings, marble built-in seat, and floor. Because I am mildly OCD (I don't check the lights a million times) I take pride in the job that I do and doing it correctly is its own reward. I mean, why do something if you aren't going to give it 100%? Of course, pleasing mom and dad was a perk.

King said his mother asked that they keep their room clean and they had a few rooms each that they were expected to vacuum. She never had to nag. Although he remembers grumbling about having to do chores a little. He agreed that pleasing parents and taking pride in the work was and still is part of his make-up.

So what is missing with our kids. Is it a generational thing? Do they have too much? Is "work ethic" genetically missing? Have King and I not done something right? Should they spend the summer in a third world country? Are we expecting too much possibly? Do we let our children continue to see that we love them all the time, or should we start withholding some of the affection and praise until they "have earned it?" Is "work ethic" something that comes with age/maturity?

I gotta tell ya, this is frustrating. I truly do not have any answers at this point. I would appreciate parents of older children to share their wisdom.

low country boil

Simple. Delicious.

Paula Deen makes it easy.

weed.

not weed.

I remember my dad saying once that a flower is just a weed planted in the right place. Conversely, a weed is just a misplaced flower.

Also, did you ever notice how similar a dandelion is to a Gerbera daisy? I am sure they must be cousins.

the problem with giving the "laundry chore" to a ten-year old

Nothing sucks quite like folding a basket full of dirty laundry.

Except the fact that between doorbells, juice cups, and kid activities it took me two days to finish it. Every article I folded I kept cursing my washing machine (high efficiency front loader) and saying things like:
"Stupid washer, this shirt still smells dirty."
"Dang, I wonder if I forgot to put detergent in there?"
"Well, this one doesn't smell too bad."
"Yuck, these pants smell stale."
Finally, at the end of the basket, where there were a few socks floating around, I noticed that they still had stains. One sniff told me I had just wasted precious time folding a damn basket of dirty laundry.
I am still baffled by how it happened. The only thing I can think is that when I recently vacuumed the floor in the laundry room I put the few clothes from the floor (a light-colored load with King's dress shirts and the boys' khaki's) into a laundry basket and into the cabinet where empty laundry baskets are stored (as if there ever ARE empty laundry baskets!). #3 must have thought they were clean and put them into the living room for me to fold.
Sorta like Lucy Van Pelt when Snoopy gives her a big ol' lick on the face, I feel like I need to go disinfect from sniffing all those "unfresh" items.

feasts for all the senses

My beautiful friend Amy will be so thrilled that I finally tried Pad Thai.

King and I decided in a rare, moment of fuddy-duddy spontaneity, that since there is a toddler friend's birthday party tomorrow night, we would alter our weekly Wednesday date night plans and go out tonight instead.

We had planned on going to a sushi place that can be described as fusion cuisine (deliberate combination of elements from two or more spatially or temporally distinct cuisines) but the restaurant was so jam-packed that we made alternate plans and "go tappas". It was a great turn of events. In addition to our first time eating Pad Thai, which King swore the waitress offered us Pat Dye (Auburn University's head football coach in 1985), we also tried a grilled pear salad with herbed goat cheese. (um... yummo!)

After dinner, King decided we should go to the next town and get ice cream. (Not a lot of arm-twisting had to happen.) As we crossed the river, he pointed out The. Most. Beautiful. Moon. EVAH! It hung low and its reflected light was still dim, but the reflection in the river was absolutely gorgeous. We bet that 1% of the half of the world's population that could see it, didn't see it. Too bad for them.

seeking advise from a god

So, King and I were watching the ONLY t.v. we ever watch:

24

(a.k.a. The Jack Bauer Show)

During a break from all the edge-of-your-seat drama, there was a commercial for the new Clash of the Titans movie. Amidst all the theatrical shots of suspenseful showdowns between Greek Gods, there is a scene in which Liam "hottie-Zeus" Neeson yells out, "Release the Kraken" (must be noted that there is a tongue roll on the "r" in Kraken) and then we see this lovely visage.

"rrrrrrrrrahhhhrrrrr"

Me: "Yeah, yeah, yeah.... that's a scary-lookin' Kraken and all. But here's what I want to know... just how long has "hottie-Zeus" had this big Kraken thingie? Has he had it locked away ever since it was a wee little Kraken?"

(Awwww, Krakie-Krakie was so cute when he started losing teeth... little snagglepus! Although he nearly put the Tooth Fairy out of business with all those rows and rows of baby teeth. Oy vey, we nearly went broke! And don't even get me started on all the furniture he ruined when the teeth first started coming in! After the 5th couch we decided we would just wait until he was grown and out of the house before we replaced another one.)

Like, I have a teenage boy. Does Kraken eat as much as that?

And, I also have a "spirited" four year old. Pray, tell me, how the hell have you kept "Krrrraken" subdued all this time? Do you spank or use time-out?

not quite as bad as the rat's pizza place

Here I sit 11 a.m. at Monkey Joe's while #5 and her friend are playing in front of me. Not nearly as crazy as Chuck E Cheese pizza is, I figure they can get really tired, eat lunch, and then crash!
I will post pictures if I can figure out how to get them off my phone!