Sunday, December 12, 2010

a beautiful answer

When I just had two kids, I was so organized and my house was so clean that it was nearly to the point of being a diagnosis. I used to tease my husband that if all the power went off in the middle of the night where there was no moon and he needed a blue paperclip, for some strange reason, I could find it in the midst of the darkness.

Fast forward 13 years and I find myself talking to King about a different sort of darkness. Nothing in my house is organized. Nothing is clean. Chaos clutters our lives. You need a paper clip? Hmmm, well, good luck with that! There is a total loss of control. In all honesty, I am probably standing toe-to-toe with a whole 'nuther diagnosis.

My 3rd born was telling me about this game show called "Minute to Win It" that she watched recently where these two women just had to get 2 Christmas ornaments onto a tree. Simple enough. Problem is that they had some herky-jerky conveyor belt situation where the ornaments kept falling off and breaking. They did eventually win with 2 seconds left on the clock.

That describes what I am going through perfectly. My goal is to get five kids safely grown and properly trained as Christian leaders who will go out into the world and glorify God. However, there are so many distractions passing by me at the speed of light, activities here, there. Deadlines, etc. Surly teenagers. Pouty toddlers. Hissy fits. So much noise. Papers. Junk mail. Clutter here, there, everywhere. So. Many. Distractions. I am trying so hard to keep my eyes on the prize and keep mucking through the mud of life. Time goes by so fast and I don't want the time on the clock to run out. Today is the third Sunday of Advent. Already! But what about instilling neat Christmas traditions? What about stopping and focusing on the season? What about slowing down to enjoy this time of waiting for the Christ child? Help!

Recently, during a mental dropping-to-my-knees moment, I begged God to not let go of me. I soooo want to stop and rest in His arms. I so want my kids to alight near me, to be still, and to listen to His voice. I don't want Advent to blow away without much notice. I don't want Christmas to be just another day of rushing to "do". During the moment of throwing myself (again) into relying on His mercy, I heard the answer to my plea, "Lord I just want to be closer to you! How can I find you?"

The answer came.
You care for so many young people. You give them everything.
See me. I am an infant. Care for me, protect me, nourish me the way you care for your own.


MaryPat said...

I love this post. Your kids are all sweeties-you are doing a wonderful job. And your home is warm and beautiful-you are too hard on yourself. xoxo

MJDMom said...

Thank you for this, I so needed it today as we enter this frenzied week! It reminds me how the best way I can prepare Christmas for my family is not to give up on the spiritual life. That and I am bound and determined to get a cute little baby Jesus decoration to remind me of that thought!!!

Anita said...

Our life is one big Advent, if you think about it, preparing for Christ's arrival. Traditions can be simple and meaningful and help instill the values you love. Simple. Easy. I think sharing with them what you wrote about today, perhaps at supper or bedtime, would make a huge impact. The answer you received is beautiful. Hang in there! You are doing a great job!